This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
