Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
