Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
