I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
