Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Small penises have feelings too.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
