college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
