She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
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She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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