At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
