i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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