just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
