Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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