someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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