Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
