Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
