problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
