The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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