How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
