I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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