How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
