Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
