Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
