Just cropdusted the office
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
