it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
