I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
