Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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