It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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