Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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