I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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