Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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