I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
