Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
