Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
