if only i could text you this smell
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Randomize
