its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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