Screwed.edu
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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