Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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