you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
