I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
