I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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