Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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