that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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