I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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