next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
