her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
