so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
