I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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