If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
