I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
