Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
