she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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