I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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