This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
