If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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