Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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