I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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