i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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