I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
