Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
