I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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