to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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