she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need moral support for this bender
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
