I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
