Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
