He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
