Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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