So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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