This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
