Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
