I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
