so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
