Got a toothbrush?
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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