i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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