Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
