another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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