the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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