So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
