I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
