if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
