girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
