i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I will die if light touches me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
