Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
