Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
