We won't sleep together?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
