Will you blow on my dice?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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