they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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