the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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